


still the same day

by orphan_account



Series: wanna one x late night drunken confessions [1]
Category: HOTSHOT (Band), Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Disbandment, Drunken Confession, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, NielWoon, PeachCloud, Pining, Songfic, a spur of the moment thing, dedicated to all the shippers out there, post-disbandment, very messy you have been warned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-18
Updated: 2017-09-18
Packaged: 2018-12-31 02:50:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,392
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12122922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: it's painful to remember everything together, but so much more when you remember it alonesungwoon confesses and he's not sure if he wants daniel to remember





	still the same day

**Author's Note:**

> song reference:  
> AmaLee & Dima - Aoi Shiori (Eng. Version, Orig by Galileo Galilei)

_ Poured out over countless pages _

_ All our feelings take up all the empty space _

_ But there’s a line yet to be written _

_ And it’s lost like a missing puzzle piece _

 

Everything was rowdy. Although most of their stuff were packed and closet emptied, there were pieces of empty snack wrappers and bottles of beer cans in one of the rooms. A couple of bodies were also sprawled on the bed, particularly Jaehwan on top of Minhyun who didn’t seem to bother as they were both knocked out. Seongwoo occupied the other bed with long limbs in a position they could not comprehend (not that they could, as they were also buzzed by alcohol). 

 

Jisung chose to sleep with the kids, and also to be the only adult who fell asleep early as his eyes were already puffy red from all the crying he did during the final showcase held in the biggest venue they have ever set foot on.

 

The formalities of their farewell party have been concluded and the members decided to have an after party for the last few hours that they’ll be occupying the dormitory. It’s already fifteen minutes past two in the morning and the ones staying up to witness the aftermath are only Daniel and Sungwoon.

 

Clinking resonates around the room, only to be muffled by overlapping snores, as both of them chug down the last of what remains of their liquor. If it was soju or beer or a mix of both, none of them could quite comprehend. All they wanted to do was drink to their heart’s content. After all, they are now free temporarily without much assurance of the promise of their future.

 

In the dim of the room, Sungwoon notices the glow of Daniel’s cheeks, pink lips forming into a smile (as if that kid would ever stop smiling). The dim glow of the moon shines perfectly through their curtained window and the older of the two curses how his stomach churns and chest clench at the moment. He drinks up the sight as much as he can, not caring if the memory would only be blur after he wakes up. His selfishness drinks up the sight of an oblivious Kang Daniel.

 

In the dim and cluttered room, his feelings overflow and take up every nook and cranny.

 

_ It’s funny how we’ve built these castles  _

_ To tear them down once again _

 

“Hey hyung,” 

 

Daniel’s voice when intoxicated and sleepy was deeper and raspier than usual, and Sungwoon thanks the lighting and alcohol or else his entire face would have turned red with no thanks to the depressants in a bottle. The latter braces himself for what could be, leaning against the post of the bed behind him, facing the younger with a hum as a reply.

 

“I’m gonna miss you a lot. I haven’t said this before but I’m really glad you got the eleventh spot. Nothing would really be the same without you here.”

 

Sungwoon tries to read between the lines, all the while swallowing down the lump in his throat and suppressing the impossibilities at the back of his head. All he wants to think of is that the meaning of those words are what they were said. Nothing more and nothing less. 

 

“Thank you for enduring everything for us. It’s probably been the hardest for you and Jisung hyung, but not once did I hear you two complain about it much. You’re probably a superhuman for managing all those schedules.”

He wants to stop himself from blabbing, from talking too much and pouring his heart out, but when he realizes he can’t, he blames it all on the alcohol. 

 

For the first time, Sungwoon sees his defenses crumble and he could only laugh.

 

_ Promise me at least, you’ll remember me _

_ And the days that we have shared _

 

They say if you want to get to know the deepest souls of people through a conversation, get them drunk or talk to them at dawn. The surprising thing about it all was that after a short conversation, the two of them stare off into space, completely unable to say anything.

 

Silence was indeed fragile, and the message between its lines varies per reader. To Daniel, it was one of solitude. For someone who talks too much, he finds tranquil in being able to at least hear his own thoughts without a physical voice to muffle and distort anything.

 

On the other hand, silence weighs a heavy ton for Sungwoon. He knows what he thinks, he is certain that he prefers to keep things to himself, but the silence tells him otherwise. It nags at him to speak; it offers him the twenty seconds of insane bravery he needs.

 

“Niel-ah… Do you usually remember stuff after getting wasted?”

 

_ ‘Would you remember this confession after you wake up?’ _ is what he’d like to ask, but he holds his tongue. He couldn’t afford to ruin this only chance. Not yet.

 

“It depends. Though I think things would be blurry. Why--”

 

“Because I wouldn’t want you to forget this moment. I’m selfish. I want you to remember that you spent this moment with me.”

 

The older couldn’t bring himself to look anywhere else save for the toppled bottles of soju scattered on the floor. He was slowly getting impatient at the response, yet a part of him didn’t want to hear or know of it. There was always the belief that some things are better left unsaid. But he still doesn’t know if it should apply to this situation too.

 

“What are you talking about, hyung? We can always contact each other and hang out. We all promised to stay in touch, right?”

 

He forgets that Daniel still has the soul of a young and naive kid inside of him, so he tries to hold back the groan of impatience and frustration. Eventually he heaves a sigh, choosing to stare at the dimmed and empty ceiling. 

 

“You’re right. But it’s always different. We wouldn’t know what happens in the future.”

 

Daniel just hums at that, staring at the ceiling as well with his head in deep thought.

  
  


_ If you choose to give your heart away _

_ Put it in my hands, I won’t break it _

_ We both laughed like every other day _

_ But I really meant what I said to you _

 

“I like you, Kang Daniel.”

 

The words roll out of Sungwoon’s tongue, feeling coarse and unfamiliar and heavy and it scatters on the floor as if he just threw sand in different directions. And in the grains of sand he piled up that came in the form of a few seconds of dead silence, there were patterns drawn on it in the form of the laugh Daniel gave. 

 

He doesn’t doubt Sungwoon’s statement, nor does he take it as a joke. Yet he laughs, for it was always his prominent defense mechanism, giving him enough time to rationalize whatever is going on and to find the right response. Eventually it dies down and they both feel like they’re staring at ambiguous patterns drawn on the seashore.

 

“Thank you, hyung. It’s an honor to be liked by you.”

 

_ I wish this moment would last forever _

_ But time is slipping by way too fast  _

_ So please don’t go and say _

_ That we’ll forget this anyway as if it’s all in vain _

 

Minutes after the predicted rejection, the younger ends up with his head rested on Sungwoon’s lap as he falls in a deep slumber. A voice at the back of his mind tells him to lean over and steal a kiss on the unknowing figure, gaze darted on the rising and falling chest as he contemplates on the idea.

 

He shakes it off almost immediately and opts to check on his phone instead. It’s already two minutes past four in the morning and he’s the only one awake. As much as he wanted to sleep, all he wanted to do that moment was savor this rare moment of intimacy. 

 

Another thought that he entertains strengthens his insomnia. His heart has been laid out in the open, presented to its captor, only to be returned to his bare hands, and he’s suddenly scared of the fact that Daniel wouldn’t even remember this moment. 

 

It was at this moment he realized that rejection, though expected, hurts, yet being the only one to be able to remember it devoids the other of any responsibility, and he has to bear all this in secret as if he hasn’t made the confession in the first place. 

 

_ ‘Drunk people say what they mean,’ _ he thinks to himself as if the fact can comfort him somehow. It does, to some extent, yet the feeling of his chest being squeezed by an invisible hand doesn’t leave, so he opts to close his eyes. Regardless if Daniel remembers or not, he would remember it. And so with the feeling of a pounding headache and the faint bitter aftertaste of alcohol and rejection, he drifts off to sleep.

  
  


_ I feel reality push against me _

_ As it comes crashing in my direction _

_ Please say that everything is still the same  _

_ From where we had left off _

 

The moment Sungwoon wakes up, there was no weight on his lap and he feels the sides of his head pound as loud as his heartbeat. The sunlight has illuminated the space he was occupying and the sight that greets him is the ceiling. There was a pillow on his head and somehow, someone has carried him to a bed. 

 

He looks to his side for answers to questions he couldn’t manage to formulate just yet. His phone was on the bedside table along with a glass of water and medicine. He takes the device and squints at it, reading that it was ten in the morning. The next thing he remembers is that he was greeted by the sight of Daniel with wet hair and signature smile. 

 

“Hyung, you’re awake!” 

 

It takes a few seconds for him to absorb, but he sees the neatly-folded blankets on the beds, luggages fully packed on the side, save for the few clothes laid out so that the others could wear on their way home. He lifts himself up with what little strength he has and opts to drink a bit of the water, just enough to wash off the unpleasant dryness of his throat.

 

“We’ll be leaving in about three hours. They already ordered food for lunch and the others are showering. You should get ready too, but not before you take your medicine.”

 

He feels stupid for just sitting there and blinking, dumbfounded and overwhelmed with everything that’s going on.

 

They have finally disbanded and will be heading back to their respective companies. 

 

And it doesn’t help that he remembers most of what happened the night before. The feeling of reliving the memories of the experience along with his already unpleasant stomach and pounding headache makes him nauseated, but he holds it in as he struggles to take the pill, not noticing that another figure has joined him in the room. 

 

“Does it still hurt?”

 

There was something about Jisung’s gaze that awakens his conscience and tells him to be truthful, and so he nods. He knows that there was more to than what is in the surface of Jisung’s words. The burden in him eases when he feels the palm rub soothingly on his back, slowly dissolving the unease he feels. 

 

“Don’t worry. He doesn’t remember, I’m sure of it.”

 

Jisung isn’t the type to tell things just for the lipservice, and so it eases whatever clump of doubt Sungwoon feels inside of him. He can’t find the words to respond to the former properly, but he can do so much as a ‘thank you’ with a sincere smile.

 

“Now go get ready. A bath is always helpful for a hangover.”

 

_ I make a wish as I turn to the next page _

 

Before he knew it, he was looking outside the window in their van. It felt fuller and heavier as compared to when riding it for the schedules they had (probably both due to their luggage and their feelings). There was the usual chatter with enthusiasm as if they wouldn’t be spending as much time together as they did before, as if they didn’t have worries about their future, and somehow it eases Sungwoon to see Daniel smile at him as if nothing really happened.

 

“Hey guys,” he spoke loud enough for everyone to hear, causing eyes to land on him as they anticipated his next words. His eyes were fixed on the one with the most enthusiastic smile seated next to him as he continues, “maybe we can go on a trip together again someday, if we don’t have much schedules on our hands?”

 

Everyone cheered in agreement with people already making plans as if it would eventually come true. And as Sungwoon stares at eyes disappearing into crescents, he wishes for nothing but Kang Daniel to smile as much as he does at the moment.

 

_ The first morning train is now making my heart race. _

 

It’s been a week since the disbandment happened and probably the first free day he had to himself. Taking the risk of going out in public, he fixes the glasses on the bridge of his nose and makes sure the mask on his face covers enough of his bare features for anyone to recognize.

 

It was also a quarter to five in the morning, air still chilly on a December and he thanks the weather for being an excuse to let him wear an oversized coat. He had about fifteen minutes before his scheduled train arrives when a man took the spot next to him on the bench.

 

There was a familiar scent that made his heart skip a beat. He turns to find a tuft of brown hair floating above specs, pale skin in contrast with the dark mask, and a blue coat draped over wide shoulders. As the man turns to look at him, he can feel the smile peek through the stranger’s black face mask.

 

His heart has never beated faster, yet his cheeks hurt from all the grinning.

 

_ ‘Hey, won’t today be the same day as always?’ _ , he asks himself as he waits for the first morning train together with Daniel.

**Author's Note:**

> i am back with something quick and sudden that dawned on me during the most inconvenient of times aka a late Sunday night. if you know the song, please cry with me! ;u; here's a peachcloud/nielwoon for everyone, i hope i did justice to the pairing and to the song as well ><
> 
> please feel free to leave comments and/or a kudos if you enjoyed the fic ^^ you can also spazz with me on twitter @jihwannaone thank you~!


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